Roadblocks

Road closed signs

It has taken me many years to feel quite how much writing means to me. The release it gives to the jumbled tangled inner me.

Let’s not go into quite how many years…am kinda feeling my age at the moment and wondering where time has gone.

Anyway back to the writing…

The thing that has made me really understand its importance is how fragile I feel when at times like this I haven’t written anything for a while. Like I can barely hold it all within me.

I haven’t written here or in my ‘daily’ writing (which maybe should be renamed my occasionally-when-I-feel-like-it writing) for nearly 3 weeks. And I don’t like it,

So why am I doing this to myself?

Sometimes it is because I have too many ideas, too many things that I need to get out. One thing you don’t give me is choice. My anxiety makes me question everything. Which idea do I write about? Will I do a better post on this idea or that one? And so it goes on until I choose nothing. I run away from the tight feeling in my bones.

You see. This is one of my skills. I build up roadblocks because I am scared. Because life seems so damn tough and against me that I hide. I do nothing so I don’t fail. So I don’t have to face up to the effort and vulnerability that my choices may bring.

It is a skill I could do without.

My new blog has become one of these blocks. Yep that new site I started talking about way back in May. I was so excited at the idea of having a new blog, my very own self-hosted blog. And then this depressive episode hit. Along with so many things, my enthusiasm for my new site vanished. Progress has been painful. And it has stopped me writing. I want to save my ideas for it. So I do not move on with the blog and I do not write. I am stuck.

So I do nothing. My pen has stopped moving, my fingers no longer tapping.

It needs to stop. I cannot lose this. I refuse to lose this. Where is my sledgehammer? There are some roadblocks to be taken down.

1 week to 1 new website. Fact.

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Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

 

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Starting anew

It has been a very lonely 6 months for my blog.  Posts had become fewer and fewer until it all come to a complete stop in July.  My blog didn’t feel right, it wasn’t delivering what I wanted it to or what I need it to.  Heck I wasn’t even sure what that was.

So I stopped writing with the intention of closing the blog down.  I didn’t though and my blog sat here slumbering away waiting for me to realise that I needed it, that I wanted to write.

It is time to clear away the tumbleweeds and brush off the cobwebs.  The blog has been given a new look and with it new life and focus.   I tried to make it simply about Mr B’s Button Jamboree in the past and found this too restrictive.  So I am going to open this blog up more.  I hope you like the new direction this takes and continue journeying with me.

 

 

Happy 1st Anniversary to my Blog

Rainbow at Glastonbury

Okay so I am a little late with this.  I meant to have a little break from my blog to gather thoughts and plan what I actually want it to be…2 months have passed, nothing has been written and no plans made.  Ooops….

I planned to do a celebratory post when my blog reached 1 year, yet this doesn’t seem quite appropriate given that was several weeks ago and I am fairly dissatisfied with myself blog wise at the moment.  So maybe a reflective post is more in order and this may help me decide on the direction to take this blog.

My very first post is short, uncertain, excited and concerned about essentially talking only to myself.  Good job I have got over that worry!

I have many posts without any views, too many!  I have too few posts given the time my blog has been running – not even an average of one per month.  This shows me the need for planning when to blog and investing the same time in developing appropriate tags/categories that I have for Instagram.

Speaking of Instagram, ‘popular’ blog posts include my occasional summaries of my monthly activities on that platform such as this one in April.  By far my most popular post (again using the word ‘popular’ loosely!) was my Merry Christmas post.  So occasions, events and Instagram activity need to feature in my plans.

One thing I have noticed is how poor some of my photography is in some of my posts especially the earlier ones.  Over this year I have come to understand the importance of good photos for my social media as well for my products.  Impressions count.

So plenty of food for thought here.  It may be a while before I have my thoughts and plans straight, hopefully thought I will be on here a little more regularly than I have been of late!  Apologies for the text heavy post (the one photo I did include was not even actually related to the post – I just wanted a happy me there!) and thank you for reading all the way to the end 🙂