The oddness of friendships

pinky-swear-329329_1280

Friendships are a funny old thing. Full of ups and downs, tears of laughter and the not so happy tears. Friendships can be the best thing in your life. Sometimes they can be the worst.

Friendships are a tricky thing for people with mental health difficulties. My anxiety and depression makes it hard for me to both make friends and keep them. My head is constantly full of questions – ‘why would this person like me?’, ‘am I funny or interesting enough?’, ‘why did I say that? what must they think’. You kinda get the picture…

Friendships are a hard thing to maintain when you don’t simply like your own space, you fundamentally need it. When you find the world too much to take sometimes and have to cancel things, say no to invitations and shut down away from social media. And then you realise that you have been far too effective at reaching for your own space all the time and no one notices when you do withdraw. That you feel alone.

Friendships are sometimes surprising.  The ‘are you ok?’ that lets you know that you have not been forgotten about. The person who says they love you for your weirdness – who lets you know that it is okay to be you, that the right people will want to be your friend because you are you. The unusual friendships you can form through unexpected ways. The support you get from an Instagram friend you have never met. Who makes you feel that you do matter. The friendship that fills that space in you.

Friendships are sometimes toxic and sometimes the thing that saves you. They are not always easy to find, keep or to let go. They always do matter though and sometimes they literally can change someone’s life. Tell your friends that you love them. Be there for them. You never know what a difference that could make. Or when it might make a difference to you

 

Image from Pixabay

Reconnecting…

The odd week I had stretched into another week. So now I am trying to reconnect. With myself, with my blog, with my work. This week we are away visiting friends and family back where we used to live before heading off to a festival. So I am hoping this break from all that surrounds and suffocates me will be the air I need to breathe again.

Sometimes I am so deep in my own company that I forget that I need other people. In the people that know me, who stay with me through all my ups and downs, I find reminders that I am more than me. I have a history, a life I have lived even if it has gone places or ways I never expected it to. They remind me to keep on living, to share myself with others.

I need that right now. I need taking out of this headspace and reminding that I am part of something bigger. That I am part of people’s lives. Last week it felt like this week was coming at the wrong time, that I couldn’t cope with all the people. I believe now that maybe it is coming at exactly the right time.

Life in limbo…but not for much longer

Since we decided on our new home…actually no since we returned to the UK, our life has felt like a whole lot of waiting.  Waiting to get businesses started, waiting to know where we were going to live, waiting to move, waiting, waiting, waiting.  It has been unsettling and at times hard work.  We finally have a moving date though and will be emptying our stuff from storage (eek) on 30th September ready for the long drive North.  Am quite relived that we have decided to go for a removal company – thanks mum and dad!  Soon all the waiting will be over….whoop whoop 🙂

We are back staying with our friend in Poole who we cat sat for a few weeks ago.  It is great as it saves us money, gives us a fixed spot for sorting things and making plans, allows us to see our very good friend and has the bonus of being near the sea.  On Saturday we took ourselves plus a kite for some seaside fun…oh I do like to be beside the seaside!