Remembering to Live

 


Yes, you and I will die one day.

But before that day comes: let us live

John Pavlovitz, On the Day I Die


This article by John Pavlovitz recently popped up in my Facebook memories.  I remember reading it for the first time and feeling the impact of it so much that I shared it (a rather rare occurrence for me).  I still feel that impact each and every time I read his words.  It gives me that little nudge I so often need to focus on what really matters in life…to live.

Being someone with anxiety, I spend much of my time in the past or in the future, dwelling on what has passed or worrying about what is to come.  I am pretty rubbish at living in the now, enjoying what and who I have in my life.  I get so caught up in small and quite frankly insignificant things that I forget to focus on what really matters to me.  Years of my life were spent trying to live a certain life, to be a certain type of person fitting with the expectation of society.  It took serious anxiety problems and a whole heap of soul searching to see that type of life wasn’t for me.

And yet I still struggle to let go of so many worries and issues of the type listed in the article, things that really won’t matter when my life is over.  I know that in that instant when life becomes death, all those things that have caused me stress and anxiety will be over and no longer matter.  All the material belongings I sometimes feel I am drowning in yet struggle to give up will no longer be of consequence to me.  All those plans made, arguments I won or lost, things I never did, all the panics and stresses I have had ~ all will suddenly no longer have an ounce of meaning or importance.  The world will keep turning, social media will carry on regardless and I will no longer care about what I may miss out on.

Quite frankly I don’t want to wait until I die for this to happen.  My life has been so controlled by my anxieties, worries, fears and how things are supposed to be and I am tired of living like that.  I want to live a life that makes me happy, that allows me to appreciate the wonder of being alive.  I want to spend time with those who matter to me because the article is right, when someone you care about dies, the one thing you really want to have is more time with them.  And you can’t.  So I am going to try to remember to worry less about those things that will no longer matter or are beyond my control, the things that are stopping me living now.  I am going to enjoy who and what I really care about.  I am going to live now because one day I will die and then it will be too late.  And I will read this article again and again every time I need a reminder.

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